This is a hopeful post, I promise, even if it might not seem so at first. Listen to the audio as you read if you feel comfortable. It too is full of hope, even if it might not seem so at first.
Today is a special day for me. Six years ago to the day, I was in the intensive care unit after going into septic shock due to an unknown cause. In the days prior to this, I thought I was foolish for feeling like I was “dying”. I thought I was weak for believing that something wasn’t right in my body. At some point however, I truly believed that I might die.
I have always had a fascination with lighthouses. Someone once told me that they were a symbol of hope for sailors, and that if I was ever in need of a sign of hope, the pillars that brought lost men and women home was a great one to grasp onto. Later in life, I had a conversation in a bar with an older man who told me that he spent most of his life looking for hope and never found it. It was a sad conversation, and I spent most of it listening to stories of his life and how he had struggled. It was then that I decided that there are two perspectives to the lighthouse.
Sometimes we have to look for lighthouses in our time of need and when we are full of despair. Other times, we ourselves need to be a lighthouse for other people and guide them. My closest friends know about my love of lighthouses, and so on this day six years ago as a crash cart sat beside my door, I used my thumb to copy and paste the poem “The Lighthouse” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow on my Facebook page. I didn’t have the strength to say goodbye to anyone, but I figured that if they read that poem that they would know what I meant and would remember me when they think of lighthouses.
Obviously I survived. I am a survivor. After many days, months and years of rehab,I am still standing. Like a lighthouse, weathering storm after storm, still standing strong, I continue to keep going for my family and my self. The image I chose for this blog of the lighthouse is striking. It is strong and purposeful, resilient in its ability to withstand the elements. I am filled with hope, believing that I too can be like a lighthouse. I was drawn to both the audio and the image because they represent how I feel about my experience.
