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This is a hopeful post, I promise, even if it might not seem so at first. Listen to the audio as you read if you feel comfortable. It too is full of hope, even if it might not seem so at first.

Today is a special day for me. Six years ago to the day, I was in the intensive care unit after going into septic shock due to an unknown cause. In the days prior to this, I thought I was foolish for feeling like I was “dying”. I thought I was weak for believing that something wasn’t right in my body. At some point however, I truly believed that I might die.

I have always had a fascination with lighthouses. Someone once told me that they were a symbol of hope for sailors, and that if I was ever in need of a sign of hope, the pillars that brought lost men and women home was a great one to grasp onto. Later in life, I had a conversation in a bar with an older man who told me that he spent most of his life looking for hope and never found it. It was a sad conversation, and I spent most of it listening to stories of his life and how he had struggled. It was then that I decided that there are two perspectives to the lighthouse.

Sometimes we have to look for lighthouses in our time of need and when we are full of despair. Other times, we ourselves need to be a lighthouse for other people and guide them. My closest friends know about my love of lighthouses, and so on this day six years ago as a crash cart sat beside my door, I used my thumb to copy and paste the poem “The Lighthouse” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow on my Facebook page. I didn’t have the strength to say goodbye to anyone, but I figured that if they read that poem that they would know what I meant and would remember me when they think of lighthouses.

Obviously I survived. I am a survivor. After many days, months and years of rehab,I am still standing. Like a lighthouse, weathering storm after storm, still standing strong, I continue to keep going for my family and my self. The image I chose for this blog of the lighthouse is striking. It is strong and purposeful, resilient in its ability to withstand the elements. I am filled with hope, believing that I too can be like a lighthouse. I was drawn to both the audio and the image because they represent how I feel about my experience.

I couldn’t help but look for a picture of a beach because I am currently dreaming of…a vacation! I am planning a trip to Tobago with my family, the first weekend in March, because I soon will not be able to go on a plane due to my pregnancy. I think a bit of a respite would be nice before the big day.

I couldn’t find a true picture of a Tobago beach but the water is at least similar in color. Honestly, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference if it wasn’t for the caption. Initially, I thought typical Caribbean music would have paired nicely with this but it was too cliche. Instead, I decided to focus on another aspect of this picture which was the lush vegetation surrounding the beach. Where there are trees you’re bound to hear birds and this audio was quite relaxing to hear while looking at the serene turquoise water.

The movement of the sea is unpredictable and can be calm and serene. This photo paired with this audio presents a sense of peace and tranquility that can sometimes be the deep blue world. Viewing this image with the paired sound, one can imagine the jellyfish floating up, down, and sideways in its mercurial buoyancy. Together they represent life both literally and figuratively, in the way that life often is rather unpredictable. Jellyfish seem to have it figured out by working within the currents and going with the flow in grace.

One thing, I will always tell people is, I have an Analytical mind. Flat out. It’s honestly an issue because sometimes I overthink the simplest things.

Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so.

Is it a good thing? Maybe sometimes.

The picture above reminds me of one of my favorite nights hanging out with my best friends walking in the city of Chicago at night talking and thinking about the world together, listening to the sounds, the music, seeing the arts, and life in the windy city. Similar with the song, life is about having fun man and it also feels like a great representation about how I think about things. Sometimes you just gotta turn your perspective of the world around or realize you got to think about things in a different light or way. Night/Evening, is one of my favorite times and honestly a reason I call myself a “Thinking Night Owl”. I feel like I can learn so much more and have those random “I’m gonna Wikipedia this just cause I thought of it moment…”. I think back to that night previously mentioned all the time because I felt like I learned a thing or two about life from the people of Chicago, my closest friends, and myself. I’ll always remember that night of just wanting to talk about different subjects like politics, world geography, the human mind, how we perceive the world, and how to make the next day better.

I was drawn to this picture through my initial search for optical illusions. I felt, and it was once popular social media discourse, that this image had a sound. To elaborate, you could look at this image and a sound would pop up in your head. That sound can most closely be compared to the sound attached above alas the sound of fuzz.